i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
