okay pat passed out under dana's car
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
