i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
