At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
