Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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