we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i dont even know how to be here
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
