my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
