Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
