Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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