We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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