im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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