did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
