I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
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you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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