my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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