That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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