You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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