drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I believe in your delicious
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
