i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
