ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
