Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
