Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
