I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
