and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
