i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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