I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
