Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
