Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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