Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
