what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
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He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
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So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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