I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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