kristin has been a bad kristin
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
