im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
