You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
