just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
