When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
