this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize