mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
