all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
