six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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