my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
