The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
