I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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