Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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