My balls are so social today.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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