I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
