I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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