I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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