she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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