I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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