Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
