she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize