It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
