i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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