I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
