Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
