WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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