I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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