So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
