dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
