i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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