No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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