i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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