hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
