I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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