i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
