fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
