I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
