Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
