i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
