just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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