Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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