If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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