i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
