The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
