I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
