Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
