you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
