im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
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She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
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Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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