He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
