I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
