it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
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we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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