carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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