There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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