This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
