i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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