I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ugly people sure do ruin things
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
