I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Randomize
