I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I faked an abortion last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
